About

Hi there, I’m Emma. Here’s a bit about me, and how I landed here.

I became interested in meditation, death planning, and death awareness after the deaths of my father and then later my husband to cancer.

I saw how chaotic and painful the situation can be when there hasn’t been advanced planning and loved-ones are forced to make decisions on the fly in a state of terror and heartbreak.

On the other hand, I saw how, when we lean into what is happening, face it, and do things to honor the process, there can be incredible meaning and beauty in the end-of-life experience.

I started a regular meditation practice when my husband, James, was first diagnosed with kidney cancer. At the time, I had a three-year-old son and I was pregnant. I was terrified and heartbroken. I also felt a lot of rage, which would get targeted at ALL the wrong people. Small children, for example. Also my sick husband (well he did have the nerve to get cancer at this extremely inconvenient time in our lives). And then, of course, I felt shame for my anger. I just felt utterly confused and out-of-control. 

I knew I needed better coping strategies. Being pregnant at the time, I couldn’t even drink! So, out of sheer desperation, I decided to try a meditation app. At the very least, it gave me an excuse to demand that everyone leave me alone in my room for a few minutes a day. 

Slowly, over time, I started to get a sense of how meditation could ground me, and bring me back to my senses when my thoughts and emotions were spiraling out of control.

While I was learning to meditate, James was busy sorting out the logistics for his deteriorating health and how I would live after he died. He was insistent we discuss all the details. I resisted for a while. I tried to tell him he should be more ‘positive.’ I told him we should cross bridges when we come to them. But over time he wore me down. He made me accept his death - and that was the greatest gift he could have ever given me. In the shared reality of mortality, I said all the things you want to have said to a person before they die. And I had so many fewer decisions to make because of all the forward-planning we did together.

After James died, despite the planning, of course there was still suffering but James had instructed me to make as joyous a life as possible for me and the kids. To that end, my meditation practice deepened and became even more important to me. It helped me to dislodge some of the negative narratives that had started to creep into my thoughts along with the grief. It helped me to feel more connected. To myself. My surviving loved ones. And even to James. It helped me to experience my grief without being controlled by it.

My work is dedicated to the memory of James, my dad, and all of the fascinating, beautiful creatures that have made me who I am.

Emma